Gender is considered as an important parameter of social stratification in India right from the birth of
an individual, where one sex is given preference over the other. This is quite a general phenomenon
observed with varying degree of expression in the North and South India. Females are theoretically
revered and given a sacred position in the religious rituals and holy books, whereas in factual
observation her same body and being is deterred from entering the holy premises during her impure
phases (menstruation and childbirth) of life. She is not given any property ownership right, is restricted
to the household premises, is not given any economic freedom and is bound under the social stigmas of
suppression under her husband’s family. Some restrictions on expression are also observed in the case
of menfolk, but they are confined to their age.
2.1. The Law of Dominance
The rule of dominance in an Indian family is two-faced: first it transfers the rights and powers to a
person (preferably the oldest male) to take family decisions and regulate its functioning, and secondly
binds him to look after the welfare of the other members who are hierarchically subordinate to him.
“The oldest male of the highest generation is supposed to receive the most respect and obedience, the female at the opposite pole, the most protection and care” (Orstein, 1965. Pp 47-48). So, the power of dominance comes with added responsibilities towards the family.
2.2. The Division of Roles
In a patriarchal society like ours, the division of roles is determined by the sex of the person, and these
roles to a huge extent are institutionalized. A woman is considered fragile both in terms of physical
strength and mental ability to take decisions outside the household premises. So, a male who in societal
terms is more strong and capable to control the household as well as external relations, is considered fit
as the successor and beholder of the family’s reputation and functioning.
A woman on the other hand is considered prospective in maintaining the continuity of the family by
bringing a male progeny into the house. This recruitment starts when a young boy of the family reaches
an age around 13 to 14 years, and is expected to take some economic responsibilities from his father. A
suitable girl who is aged less than the eligible boy and has not reached puberty is selected from a family which is from a different clan and similar Caste and Jati as of the boy in North India, and
preferably from the cross-cousin group in South India. As soon as she enters the household of her
husband, she is simultaneously connected to a web of relationships defining her position and identity in
her new home. At the same time, her natal family members become inferior in position in comparison
to her husband’s household, and are expected to show their generosity towards them by playing
important roles in rituals, taking care of her children, offering gifts and presentations to them on
occasions and according to their needs. This role is unanimously played by the mother’s brother. A
new bride, in front of her affinal kin is expected to keep her eyes lowered and mouth shut. She is
trained to keep minimum communication with the male elders of the house and in some jatis it is
completely prohibited.
In the husband’s house, she is taught the rules of the house by her mother-in-law. In North India, as she
is a complete stranger to the family, she is supposed to keep Purdahas a symbol of respect to all the
elders. She is not allowed to form contacts outside the kinship circle and expected to take care of the
children and household. Another important role of the mother-in-law, is that she can instruct and
command her son to control his wife. She has no visible say in the decision making process, but her
interference is often experienced through household politics. If any misfortune occurs in the family
before one year of her arrival, she is blamed and considered inauspicious. Her daughters are the one
who are supposed to keep an eye on the behavior of the new bride and keep her mother updated. In
South India, however, because of preference of marriage in a kin group, a woman feels comparatively
freer in her new household.
The husband, on the other hand, is under the dominance of his father, who is also the head of the
family and owns the property. He is economically and socially dependent on him, to gain an identity in
his kingroup. If the husband is younger than his siblings, then he is also subjugated under the
dominance of his elder brothers.
A new generation is created through the legal wedlock of the couple, and the child is welcomed to the
paternal lineage and given his/ her father’s surname. From the birth, till the naming of the child, the
mother is considered impure and is restrained from entering the sacred regions of the house. This child
if a male, is cherished by the family and is expected to augment the position of the mother in the house.
But, if a girl child is born, she is considered an economic burden who for life would be engaging them
in a cycle of formalities to be borne by her brother. She is taught to obey the orders of her elders
without much a say. Till puberty she is developed into a stern disciplined body ready to be freed from
the ties of girlhood into a woman. So, a girl child is usually considered a curse in many Indian villages,
whereas a boy is considered a blessing of God.
2.3. The Gendered Relationships
2.3.1. The Husband and Wife Relationship
The relationship of a husband and wife is considered the decision of God in the Indian context.
Though, there are barriers, rules and regulations on the conduct of the same. The young bride, who is
trained in her natal household all the values to satisfy her husband and his family comes into force
when she enters her husband’s family. Her position in the new house is dependent on her husband’s
position in the house. She is taught to endure every problem silently. In North India, a husband is given
the status of Pati Parmeshwar, i.e., a husband’s status is equivalent to God for a bride and in his every
deed she must find her fate and so, abide to it. She is not allowed to take his name or address him in
public. During meals, she is supposed to eat after her husband and while walking she must customarily
follow behind her husband. The couple is expected to maintain a distance in the public domain. There
is always an expectation to conceive as soon after marriage.
2.3.2. The Brother and Sister Relationship
The responsibility of a mother is to induce the feeling of togetherness between the children irrespective
of their gender and position in the house. This inculcates a strong bond between the brother and
brother, brother and sister; and sister and sister. Ideally, there is a strong support and mutual
understanding between the siblings till the parents are alive; but when the father dies, because of the
question of the ownership of property some disputes may arise between the brothers. If the difference
in age between the brothers is less, this may sometimes turn into rivalry because traditionally the elder
one gains right over the property and control of the household.
On the other side, the relationship between a brother and sister is more stable, durable and affectionate.
A brother’s responsibility towards his sister increases when she gets married and enters her husband’s
household. The brother’s duty is to protect her, give her more than he receives and take care of her
husband and children. So, after the marriage of his sister, his rides gets transformed into the roles
where he plays a brother for his sister, a brother-in-law for her husband and mother’s brother for his
sister’s children. In return, a sister acts as a mother to him. She takes care of him from childhood,
spends time and plays with him and shares his joys and sorrows. On the eve of Raksha Bandhan, the
love between a brother and sister is clearly displayed. The importance of a mother’s brother is specially
realized in the matrilineal societies where the ownership of the property is in the hands of the sister, but
its management is done by her brother. Eg., the Nayars of Kerala.
2.3.3. The Parents and Children Relationship
The bond of relationship of the child with both his parents differs in time and depth. Although both the
parents are ought to be treated with great respect, but the relationship that is shared with a mother is far more lenient and indulgent as compared to that with a father which is often more formal and
conserved.
i. With a father: The children are dependent on the father for economic, social and personal reasons.
The daughters are married off at an early age, after which her maintenance is the responsibility of her
husband. But, in the case of a son, till his father is alive, he is supposed to abide to his orders and bear
his interference in all spheres of his personal life. Similarly, after the death of the father, his soul comes
to rest only when his son performs the rituals as a final tribute to him for the salvation of his soul.
After marriage, the interference of a father in his son’s matters remains, but gets nullified in his
daughter’s case. The marriage of his daughter in a higher status family than his own (hypergamy)
brings secular gains to him in his jati; though due to societal restraints he is not supposed to visit his
daughter’s new household often, and take any sort of gifts from them.
ii. With a mother: A mother on the other hand acts as an intermediate between the son and the father.
She is the one who puts forth his requests and needs to the father, who decides whether they could be
fulfilled or not.
A daughter on the other hand is handled with care, not as much as given to the son, but enough to
preserve her virginity till marriage. The mother is the one who trains her in terms of skills, discipline
and obedience to turn her into a mature woman to be able to handle her husband’s household well after
marriage. If she fails in that, she is cursed and blamed along with her daughter by the society for not
infusing the basic etiquettes in her.
2.3.4. The Daughter-in-law and the Husband’s Family relationship
The daughter-in-law is brought as a stranger to her husband’s household where she is supposed to win
the heart of the members by following their orders and respecting them. She is supposed to treat her
husband’s parents as her own, though she almost never receives the same love as her parents from
them.
In North India and most of the higher jatis in South India, an elder brother is supposed to avoid direct
communication with his younger brother’s wife, and as a token of respect the younger brother’s wife
must veil her head and face infront of him. On the contrary, a younger brother may have joking and
familiar relations with his elder brother’s wife.
The status of a new bride in her husband’s house is dependent upon the birth of a son by her which
makes her status egalitarian to the other females of the house. She now redeems her position to share
the podium with her husband in the domestic rituals and rites; and some jural rights in her married
home.
The Variations
6.1. North India and South India
There is a striking difference in the family and kinship relations of the North and South India:
| S.No. | The North Indian Family | The South Indian family |
| 1 | Believes in the expansion of family by marrying outside the kin group. | Believes in intensification of the existing family relations by preferring cross-cousin marriages. |
| 2 | Patrilineal, Patrilocal/ Virilocal. | Both Patrilineal and Matrilineal families are found. |
| 3 | Women of the house are more subjugated. | Women are much freer in their husband’s household. |
| 4 | After marriage there is restricted contact of the bride with her natal family. | After marriage there is no restriction on the bride to keep contacts with her natal family. |
| 5 | The position of the mother’s brother becomes inferior to the sister’s husband’s family. | No rank differential is created through marriage alliances. Mother’s brother is a potential father-in-law. |
6.2. Between Caste and Jati groups
A great hierarchy is observed all over India, when we view the ancient tradition of family life through
the lens of social parameters of Caste and Jati groups, occupation and wealth. Some of the differences
observed in lower jati groups are:
i. Economic independence of women: The women of the lower Jatis have to move out of their
house to earn a living for their family because of the economic constraints and landlessness. Eg., the
women of Adi Dravidas of Tanjore district of Tamil Nadu are more economically independent in
comparison to the Brahmin women. They are considered as an asset for both the natal and affinal
family, because of their eligibility to work as field laborers.
ii. Social independence of women: The Adi Dravidas women of Tanjore, Tamil Nadu are socially
free to divorce frequently and stay in touch with their natal families. The marriage of the widows is
permitted.
iii. More nuclear family groups: In comparison to the wealthier and higher caste groups, it is
difficult for the people of lower jatis to maintain a joint family. This is because they are poor and
landless, so to earn a living most of their family members, irrespective of sex, are engaged in economic
activities, so that the income can be pooled at the end of the day. But, as the family size grows, and the
number of children is disproportionate between the brothers, the burden to their nurture their becomes
an issue which may give rise to fights between the brothers. On similar grounds, because of lack of
land resources, they have to migrate to different places in search of new opportunities, so isolated
families evolve.
iv. Sons are not dependent on their father for a longer period: A son of the member of a lower jati
group becomes a wage earner after reaching puberty. After marriage, he is not dependent on his father
and moves to a separate household. On the other side, in a Brahmin family, as the property remains
with the father till he is alive, his sons can barely afford to leave their paternal family after marriage.
v. Egalitarian status of the brothers in the family: Unlike the higher caste groups where there is a
hierarchical categorization between brothers based on age, in the lower caste groups like the Kotas of
the Nilgiri hills, filial and fraternal equivalence is noticed. This is because, first there is no property to
share, and secondly in the pooling of income the brothers have equal contribution. Also in these
societies sometimes each brother has the right to sexual access to another brother’s wife.
The Changing Times
With the changing times there has been a change in the family and kinship relations through the advent
of westernization, industrialization, modernization and population mobility across the sub-continent.
Though, there has been improvement in the gender front through education, awareness and
constitutional provisions and legislations; but the problem of gender discrimination still exists in India.
Some of the important changes include:
i. Emergence of nuclear families
ii. Increased educational opportunities to women
iii. Abolition of Child Marriage and encouraging widow remarriage
iv. Equal right of women over property
v. Matriliny is endangered
vi. Introduction of family planning in India